he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
