DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
