Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
