I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
