Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
