I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
