Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They took my balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
