i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
