White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
