Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
