just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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