what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
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