you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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