When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
