I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
