I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just invented taco cereal.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
