i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
