Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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