I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
tell me about the eggs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
