Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
