i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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