i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
