just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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