You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Barsexuality is the new black.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
