Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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