Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This toilet bowl is my home.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
