Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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