Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
