Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
