i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
