he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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