Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
