thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
