In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
