ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
