After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's the barista slut.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
