i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
