what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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