I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
