laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What a dumb baby whore.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize