OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
