I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
