I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
