So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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