Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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