It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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