I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
