i already hear my dad disowning me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
