Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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