rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
