Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
