He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
