worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
