if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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