george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize