This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
