she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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