I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were trust falling into bushes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize