Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He better not be in your backpack
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
