it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize