that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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