Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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