she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
