Only a mothe r could love this liver
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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