come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
