..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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