I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
