your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
