i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
