just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
