did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
