I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
