I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
