I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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