Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
