i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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