One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
