Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
