Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I need to stop coming to work sober
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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