Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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