Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's just like the Real World with babies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
