She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
