Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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