This is not my ceiling
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
