I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
