i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
