I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
