I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
