trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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