I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize