I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
