4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
