____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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