Your dad touched me again.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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