Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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