Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
that's an acceptable place to lick
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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