I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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