I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
