Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
