the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize