Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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