another moral hangover. fuck.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
